Don't you find it nice to look back once in a while

and think about how different you are now

compared to a few years back?

Most of us,

enjoy being who we are now.

Probably because we're so different in

who we are,

how we think about things,

and what we would do.

Probably because,

Life now is more meaningful and memorable.

Probably because,

we've actually changed for the better.

I'm sure all of us had some embarrassing moments

in our "childhood".

And its always funny when we look at it from the future.

NEVER at that present moment.

For example,

8 years ago, you were that small little kid

who cried and shouted

" I DONT FRIEND YOU ALR LA!"

only because he didnt do what you wanted him to do.

and at that time you weren't laughing at yourself

saying that you're just being childish.

LOL

8 years later, you find yourself

immature, ridiculous, nonsensical, funny

and all the crap you'd describe yourself to be in the past

haha.

One of my embarrassing moments:

I remembered that I used to LOVE singing a lot.

Well, okay i dunno if its considered singing

or just making annoying noises from my mouth.

XD

When i was in primary school,

during our recess, we could do anything, ANYTHING,

You can be an idiot and disturb the other classes who still had lessons

by throwing paper planes through the window and dash off.

"lets throw in paper planes!"

" or or or..lets throw in sweet drinks in small packets!"

"OR how about we clog the sink and leave the tap on!"

hehehehehehe * evil smile*

or you can be like Scooby-Doo and gang to crack the case of

the haunted mysteries that you heard of in the school.

" eh eh, just now when i walk passed the 4th floor toilet...

i saw a black smoke.."

" eh i heard that black door at the 6th floor is haunted..."

"OK LETS GO"

or you can that emo kid,like me,who stands at one of the pillars

in the canteen singing to himself.

CAN YOU IMAGINE

"every night in my dreams...i see you...

I feel you... thats how i know you...

gone on..."

IMAGINE CELINE DION's VOICE

replaced by a 7 year old kid with a crooked voice,

and im not talking only about a crooked voice.

IM TALKING ABOUT

A 7 year old kid with a crooked voice,

singing with passion.

you know those  kind of rockers who sang

while squinting their eyes

and whipping their hair back and fourth?

YEAH! Passion.

XD

and during all recess, when a whistle is blown,

it means that 30 mins is over.

and everyone has to freeze

LITERALLY FREEZE.

and can only move after the second whistle is blown.

So I remember one time,

my friend wanted to see if i would still continue singing

when the first whistle was blown.

So during that recess i kept singing and singing

waiting in anticipation

then the first whistle was blown.

AND I REMEBERED THIS.

IN ORDER TO KEEP MY SWAGGER,

I KEPT SINGING

so my friend was standing in front of me

with his face only 8 cm away from mine.

like in a kissing position.

SO AWKWARD.

I almost wanted to spit on his face and push him away

because when yo step to close to moi comfort zone,

imma WHIP YOUR ASS! LIKE A BOSS!

*just kidding*

and now that i think about it, its quite funny!

HAHA ahhh the good times =D

Now that I've "matured"

(okay maybe not mature =P)

I think about the change in me

and was it even my own doing

was it a change i wanted to be.

Because I've always thought

if i were to end up in another secondary school,

will i still be who i am now?

if i never made it into SC,

will i still be who i am now?

if haven't got the friends i have now,

will i still be who i am now?

Most of the time,

it is always the environment,

the people you meet,

the things you do.

The Expectations.

That changes you.

For example,

I'm not really the study type.

Never a fan of doing all the crap teachers dump at us.

Never a fan of studying.

Oh wait who isnt right? HAHA.

But when i was posted in to E1,

I had to up my game because everyone here

is studying so hard!

I dunno if its because of that natural  "KIASU" feeling

that is sewn in the hearts of all Singaporeans,

or because of plain peer pressure.

But one thing's for sure,

it wasn't entirely me.

It has always been the expectations that people give.

Another example,

is LOVE RELATIONSHIPS

you met a guy and both of you are best friends.

soon you realise you have a deep crush on him.

You wonder if he feels the same away,

you wonder what you can do to impress him,

you start to worry about all the flaws you have.

One day, you asked him what type of girls he likes,

and all of a sudden

he brings out a list of characteristics of girl

similar to that LONG list of gifts you give santa every year.

"I like abcdefghijk type of girl "

Then you looked at it in utter disappointment

because you have none of that.

Then you start to not being yourself

and try many ways to be the girl of his dreams.

To some extend,

responding to these expectations is great,

because we end up being a better person

with a stronger character.

But we can also end up being someone

whom isn't us anymore.

And it gets worse when you cant fulfill these expectations.

You start to feel bad about yourself.

you start to think WHY AM I NOT LIKE HIM/HER

you start to feel inferior.

Sometimes all these could even lead to suicide.

and we're feeling all these because

we're trying to be who we aren't.

SO ALL YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE!

These expectations are just signs on how the society want you to be

They are neither rules nor restrictions.

They just want you to be who they want you to be.

But everyone is different.

Everyone is special.

You decide on you wanna be. :)
I wonder if I was the only one.
Because every morning, its only you. :)

Back from Cambodia, Phon Penh!

I'm gonna update more about that in the next post

after I'm done stealing photos from some people :D

The major lesson I learned from the trip

has really made a great impact in my Life.

Thats why I'm sharing it.

Because I learned it the hard way.

At the age of 8,

my Dad always told me that

"Things don't always go the way you want it to"

And my age alr suggested how seriously i took those words.

LOL

Back then,when I saw something I wanted,

" Mummy! Can you buy that PLEASSE?"

Then that's when all the drama acting starts.

I'd have the puss in boots BIG ROUND EYES

I'd have the small cute baby's SWEET SMILE

I'd have that big fat kid in the movie up 's BIG CHUBBY CHEEKS

" Okay la, just put it in the trolley. "

*Standing ovation for an outstanding performance* XD

HAHAHAH.

Good times...

and the thing with that is that it always works LIKE A BOSS.

XD

In primary school,

We were always given group projects.

And I Love group projects.

Especially when things gets done

before you can even say " LIKE A BOSS"

But the thing with group projects

is that there's always SO MANY IDEAS GIVEN

There'd be

The COMMON IDEA

The GREAT IDEA

The STUPID IDEA

The REALLY STUPID IDEA

The LAME IDEA

and of course lastly,

The NO IDEA.

HAHA

It comes randomly from different people you work with.

and people judge the degree of it being good/bad differently.

But In a group project,

ONLY ONE IDEA CAN BE USED.

So there's always that indecisive moment.

In this type of moments,

Theres only 2 types of people.

1. would be the "ANYTHING" people.

I've always felt that these people have alr made the decision

on which idea is best in their mind

but refuse to give their opinion to avoid any conflict

2. would be the "THIS IS BETTER" people

These people would stick mainly to their ideas

and find it difficult to accept others suggestions.

I was like the 2nd one.

Things always, ALWAYS, went my way

:D

It was awesome.

Till I entered Secondary school.

When there were more and more projects,

and there would be a different group of people

and there were always A LOT of better Ideas than mine.

So after many experiences in group projects,

and the guidance of teachers,

only then I realized with the mix and combination

of Ideas,

be it common,uncommon,stupid,lame

It would be the PERFECT IDEA.

Because, the whole group would agree to it.

because the whole group would enjoy the process.

and USUALLY the result of the project.

Would be Awesome.

I thought that if I were to always stay on this track

using this method with all group projects,

we'll surely succeed.

Okay maybe not those fantastic success

but we won't fail terribly.

Failure was never a threat.

and come to think about it now.

That is bad.

If you've never experienced failure,

when the day comes Failure will hit you hard

and you'll fall deep into the hole of shock.

and that was how i learned my lesson.

Before the trip to Cambodia,

we were told that we had to plan a 8hour lesson

to teach the children there.

So based on the information given,

we underestimated the amount of knowledge

they had about the topics we wanted to teach.

When we got there,

we were extremely shocked that we exhausted

our 8 hour plans in 1 hour!

I looked at my friend and he looked at me,

We both wanted to give the

Y U NO face

because Y WE NO HAVE BACK UP PLAN~

HAHAH

But in the end, we managed to pull it off

with the help a lot of impromptus and last min decision making.

During the reflections I shared this with the others:

I've learned to be prepared for changes.

And I'm not talking only about Back-up plans

There's a saying

" You Fail to plan, you plan to fail"

Yeah? Thats a guarantee.

But it doesnt work the other way around.

Even if you did plan it doesnt mean it'll succeed entirely.

For example,

You planned for a hiking trip.

You planned to walk or crawl or fly , yada yada yada,

And suddenly you  realized,

hey what if it rains?

So you decided to bring an umbrella.

And when on that day it rains,

You'd be HOSEHBO! It rained!

so you feel prepared because you had an umbrella.

You started walking back to the shelter

only to realize you're walking barefooted because

your shoe was probably stucked in the mud.

and the trail in front,

has many pieces of broken glass.

The changes I'm talking about

changes like the weather.

Most of them are unpredictable changes.

You can have a million back-up plans

but none when none succeeds.

We have to be mentally prepared and not just physically.

And when things gets too tough

We have to always keep trying.

There's a quote

" If you cant fly, run

If you cant run, walk

If you cant walk, crawl

But no matter what, you gotta keep moving on."

We have to bring out that inner strength that motivates us

The inner strength is different for different people.

For me, That inner strength is remembering why  i even

started doing it in the first place.

When I was teaching the kids,

I was reminding myself about the agreement to commit

myself to provide service for the children.

I've always believed that all change is met with resistance

It is only a test.

and to pass,

is to persevere.

That's what I've learned.

Failure is inevitable.

and so is success. :D
Now I understand my place in your heart.